Do You Like The Company You Keep?

I firmly believe we are called to have fellowship and relationship with other humans. We were not created to live life or do life alone. However, it’s very important to understand the key difference between needing people, and NEEDING people. I know, it sounds like I just repeated the same words, but I promise the emphasis matters!

Needing people, in a healthy and godly way, is biblicaly mandated, and orchestrated beautifully by Christ himself.

John 15:12-15 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.”

Jesus, the only righteous (and might I add WHOLE) person to ever walk this planet understood the need for friends and fellowship. He himself had friends, close personal companions with whom he shared his life. It is no mistake that Christ identified with the very human need for companionship: it is God’s design for our lives.
Often, because we have been emotionally hurt by people and scars don’t easily fade, we can find ourselves denying the need for human interaction. This can look one of two ways: isolation or obsession. It is easy to isolate from society when even one person has hurt you: trust me, I know! I recall several different seasons in my life where I threw myself into books or television, shunning my phone, shunning my friends, and turning my back on the world, only to find I was even more hurt in the process. I have also encountered seasons of obsession: times where I have been longing for and obsessed with friendship or relationship, only to be left wanting and feeling empty for the lack that I felt.
And that obsession, that emptiness, THAT is the difference between needing and NEEDING. When we look to other people to compliment and add to our lives, we recognize a need to not experience life alone. When we look to other people to complete and validate our lives, that is when we are operating in unhealthy NEED, and in danger of causing more pain for ourselves than good.
Something to think about: when you’re sitting alone on your couch, do you feel calm or anxious? When it’s Friday night and you don’t have plans with anyone, do you feel at rest or restless? In other words, when you have moments of quiet, when you’re alone with yourself, do you like the company you keep, or do you feel you NEED someone else to make your moments worthwhile? Because ultimately, your relationship with yourself is the one you’ll be walking in the longest, and if you’re not content with that company, who can anyone else fill that void?
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Until next time, I send my love!

Choosing Me

I have been reflecting a lot lately on my views concerning marriage. A large part of why I want to be married is because I do believe it is a desire God has given me, and also a convenant God desires for His children. It is a gift from God, and a good thing.

I also recognize that a part of my want is NOT biblical, nor is it in any way connected to God. I have found myself believing marriage will cure lonlienes (LIE), it will validate that I am loveable (LIE), and it will prove that I am worthy because someone choses me(LIE). You see a trend here? Because I do!

I have a lot of lies floatinga around in my head concerning marriage, and I believe it’s time to rectify them.

The thing is, marriage cannot and will not do any of those things listed above. My lonliness needs to be dealt with now, while I am alone. There are plenty of people married and lonely.  My validation comes from Christ and Christ ALONE! No human can give or take that away, and neither can marriage. Additionally, the only person who needs to choose me already has: Jesus died to spend eternity with me. THAT is the ultimate commitment, and the promised connection God speaks of in His Word.

I realized tonight that one more person needs to choose me, and that hasn’t happened yet. I have spent years in pain over situations with men where I have perceived they were telling me

” I don’t choose you because you aren’t worthy of being chosen.”

I have lived through that scene too many times, and each time the common idea is that I am not enough to be loved, so  therefore, since no one has chosen me for a wife yet, I am not worthy to be chosen. There is so much false logic in these statements I can’t even begin to address them!

What I do know to be true is that in order for me to have contentment in any relationship, or even alone, I HAVE TO CHOOSE ME first. This is not to say I need to start becoming selfish, because that’s not godly or correct. What I am saying is, if I want to experience the full capacity that love has to offer in any relationship, I have to choose first the most important relationship I will have on the planet, and that’s the one I have with myself.

I used to utterly HATE when people said “You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you.” I know why that’s bothered me now: it’s not necessarily true. People can love you wherever you are, and that happens all the time. But what I do think is true is this:

You cannot fully grasp the joy and excitement of another person loving you if you  don’t choose to love yourself enough to know you’re worthy of love in the first place.

So again, I have to say, it’s not about someone choosing me or feeling worhy of being chosen. It is about me making the daily decision to choose me in all areas of my life, and making decisions that are in line with loving myself.

I can honestly say that I do love myself enough NOW to stop waiting for someone else to choose me: I am taking care of that myself. Because this is not something I have to wait around for: I can do this right now,  today, without the help or support of anyone else.

I choose me today, and every day going forward. And I hope and pray I can say this is my best decision yet!

All my love,