New Season, New Rythms

When I was going through a very painful breakup, I felt as though God was the closest He has ever been to me. I should say, I was the closest I have ever been to God (he never disipates in His closeness to us). I remember actually crying one day at how GOOD His presence felt: I was regularly overwhelmed with how content HE alone made me feel. It was a bitter-sweet time I remember desperately wanting to escape because of the pain of human loss. However, when I think back to that time, the sweetness of God’s constant presence far outweighed the burden of a broken heart. I just didn’t understand that at the time. 

Now, I am contemplating how to experience God’s sweet presence in a different season. I know our GOd is one who moves forward, not one to have us looking back with longing, so I know He isn’t asking me to go back to that particular place of brokeness, but I wonder, how do I enjoy His closeness when I don’t feel so desperate for it? 

In a new season, I must learn new rythms. I can’t help but question the beat and tempo of this particular time in my life. I miss the desperation I felt for God to heal me, but I do not miss the physical pain of brokeness. I miss knowing I could not make it through a single day without Him, but I do not miss questioning if I could make it through the pain. I miss the times I ran toward God with wreckless abandon, but I do not miss the endless tears. In all of this, what I miss most is my friend. I m not connecting with Him in  the sam way as I was then. I know He is the same. I know He is here with me. I just don’t know what our relationship looks like in this new season. 

New season, new rythms. I want to dance to the beat of His song, and because I know He is faithful, I know He will lead me to His arms. When I seek Him, I always find Him. And in Him, I find HOPE. 

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I am a 32 year old teacher in Georgia, originally from Ohio (Go Buckeyes!). I am also a singer and I recently taught myself how to play guitar. For fun, I enjoy reading and lots of Netflix binges, which is my American right! I have also been known to cycle, run half marathons, and do just about whatever I set my mind to. A charming shepherd-mix dog named Kingsley lives with me and keeps me laughing at his antics at every turn. I am learning how to love the life I live with each passing day. Sometimes it's easy...other times, I write about it.

2 thoughts on “New Season, New Rythms”

  1. You can find a desperation for Him in the knowledge that despite our best laid plans, we cannot predict the future. We can trust our ability to adapt to each days new circumstances, only turning to God for help when our abilities fail us. But there is no greater feeling than realizing you are hopelessly out of control, but that you have the God of the universe on YOUR side and He is.

    1. Yes! I was thinking about this as I was praying and processing my writing. I am continually in a state of desperation because of my depravity and just plain humanness. I will always have a desperate longing for my God, no matter my circumstances. It may feel different in different seasons, but I’ll always be desperate. Always. Thanks for your wise words! So so true! 🙂

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