I’ve recently started praying for God to dramatically change my heart. I believe the word “transplant” keeps coming up in my prayers.
I want a new heart.
I don’t mean in the Wizard of Oz kind of way: I mean in the Psalm 51:10 kind of change. I am asking God for a new and pure heart. The one I have is broken, wicked, and not fully in line with my Creator.
What’s interesting is that later in Psalm 51, David speaks about his inability to offer a physical sacrifice great enough to appease God for his sin. As he’s writing this, he just sinned with Bathsheba and had Uriah killed in battle to cover his sins. David is telling God, what I believe God planted in his heart in the first place: the only path to true repentance and right relationship with God is by offering a sacrifice of brokeness.
I have often thought that I was capable of cleaning myself up and presenting a perfect package to God. As if I had the power, self control, or ability to make myself clean and right in God’s eyes. We know Christ came because we weren’t capable of doing this alone. And yet, I still have fond memories of “hiding” sins from God, acting like I have everything together in my life, and wearing a deceitful mask of perfection in public. All of which speak to God “I don’t need you. I can handle my issues alone and I prefer distance from you over the closeness that can provide me proper healing.”
I’m thankful for David’s transparency and brokenness in the psalms. I’m glad he was honest about only being able to present God the sacrifice of a broken and contrite heart. Lately, I have been identifying with being “broken” especially when it comes to my heart. I question how could I possibly be getting closer to healing when I feel like little pieces of me are daily being chiseled away? But David’s words remind me of God’s profound truth: when I humble myself (lay down the broken pieces) before the Lord, and admit (confess) that I am unable to properly mend them, it is only then when true healing begins.
The sacrifice of brokeness is the only door through which right relationship with God exists. If I want true and proper healing (and I do!) I must first admit I’m broken, and can only be fixed by the One who knows me part by part.