Choosing Me

I have been reflecting a lot lately on my views concerning marriage. A large part of why I want to be married is because I do believe it is a desire God has given me, and also a convenant God desires for His children. It is a gift from God, and a good thing.

I also recognize that a part of my want is NOT biblical, nor is it in any way connected to God. I have found myself believing marriage will cure lonlienes (LIE), it will validate that I am loveable (LIE), and it will prove that I am worthy because someone choses me(LIE). You see a trend here? Because I do!

I have a lot of lies floatinga around in my head concerning marriage, and I believe it’s time to rectify them.

The thing is, marriage cannot and will not do any of those things listed above. My lonliness needs to be dealt with now, while I am alone. There are plenty of people married and lonely.  My validation comes from Christ and Christ ALONE! No human can give or take that away, and neither can marriage. Additionally, the only person who needs to choose me already has: Jesus died to spend eternity with me. THAT is the ultimate commitment, and the promised connection God speaks of in His Word.

I realized tonight that one more person needs to choose me, and that hasn’t happened yet. I have spent years in pain over situations with men where I have perceived they were telling me

” I don’t choose you because you aren’t worthy of being chosen.”

I have lived through that scene too many times, and each time the common idea is that I am not enough to be loved, so  therefore, since no one has chosen me for a wife yet, I am not worthy to be chosen. There is so much false logic in these statements I can’t even begin to address them!

What I do know to be true is that in order for me to have contentment in any relationship, or even alone, I HAVE TO CHOOSE ME first. This is not to say I need to start becoming selfish, because that’s not godly or correct. What I am saying is, if I want to experience the full capacity that love has to offer in any relationship, I have to choose first the most important relationship I will have on the planet, and that’s the one I have with myself.

I used to utterly HATE when people said “You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you.” I know why that’s bothered me now: it’s not necessarily true. People can love you wherever you are, and that happens all the time. But what I do think is true is this:

You cannot fully grasp the joy and excitement of another person loving you if you  don’t choose to love yourself enough to know you’re worthy of love in the first place.

So again, I have to say, it’s not about someone choosing me or feeling worhy of being chosen. It is about me making the daily decision to choose me in all areas of my life, and making decisions that are in line with loving myself.

I can honestly say that I do love myself enough NOW to stop waiting for someone else to choose me: I am taking care of that myself. Because this is not something I have to wait around for: I can do this right now,  today, without the help or support of anyone else.

I choose me today, and every day going forward. And I hope and pray I can say this is my best decision yet!

All my love,