Abandonment Issues

I have often struggled with the pressure of “missing” something when I can’t make an event I’ve been invited too. Even more anxiety exists when people talk about all the fun they have during some activity at which I wasn’t present. I often find my mind reeling over the next big thing or the next time I get to hang out with people. This especially happens when I’m at home alone. It’s as if me, who I am in and of myself, is not even good enough for me. In other words, I have experienced days where my own company is just plain scary and I want to be around people desperately.

I have to ask myself what in the world am I afraid of? Yes we are built by God to crave companionship, and that is a healthy desire. What is unhealthy, and what I experience, is an irrational fear that one day I will have no companionship and I will be left by myself-which would certainly be the scariest thing in the world.

But why do I sometimes feel that way? What is the root of that stronghold? Who would be enough for me? As in, is there a person on this planet who, if they spent every second with me, I would find myself satisfied and happy? I highly doubt it. As a matter of fact, I know better. The answer is no!
So where does this free come from? What deep-rooted insecurity exists within me that causes me to fear loneliness in the middle of a crowd? What lie am I believing that makes it easy for me to understand that people could forget about me quickly. That I have nothing to offer but if someone would just love me, I’d be whole?!? It all sounds so silly, and yet, I must on some level feel inadequate if I continue to wrestle with the fear of being abandoned.

Lord, reveal the root so it can be addressed and killed. In its place, plant truth, peace, righteousness, contentment, and love of self and fellow man. Amen.

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I am a 32 year old teacher in Georgia, originally from Ohio (Go Buckeyes!). I am also a singer and I recently taught myself how to play guitar. For fun, I enjoy reading and lots of Netflix binges, which is my American right! I have also been known to cycle, run half marathons, and do just about whatever I set my mind to. A charming shepherd-mix dog named Kingsley lives with me and keeps me laughing at his antics at every turn. I am learning how to love the life I live with each passing day. Sometimes it's easy...other times, I write about it.

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