I will never forget the moment my parents got in their car and drove away from me, leaving me at college for freshman year. We had spent the day buying articles, furniture, and food for my dorm room, and though I was excited to test out my new freedom, I felt odd saying goodbye to the people I had lived with my whole life. My dad and my brother got in the car after hugs and salutations, but my mom stayed back. She hugged me, teared up, and said something I will never forget: “Well, this begins a cycle for you until you settle down and get married; you’ll move to a new place every year.”
Those very words haunt me to this day. As I stretch out in my 26th year, anticipating my 27th, I find myself yearning for a stability that only a home can provide. My mother’s words didn’t meant anything to me when she first uttered them, but now that I am forced to examine my rental history since that day, I can’t help but confirm her accuracy. I have moved too many times for me to count. I have moved because a lease was up, because there was mold in the apartment, or because I was called (by God) to a new city. Though I haven’t moved because I was running from something or someone, I can’t help but feel like a nomad or gypsy. I feel like I have no foundation, and that doesn’t sit well with me.
I am aware that Jesus is my ultimate foundation, and I am constantly learning how much freedom comes with that stability. However, I feel like a transient at times; mainly each time I have to pack up, rent a U-haul, and sign yet another lease. I want to own property. I want to have a place that I can call my own, where I can spread out and make a HOME. I don’t want another apartment, another lease, another temporary address change. I want to plant my life on solid ground, and I have no idea how long I will have to wait until I can do that. I don’t want to buy a home before I am married; I don’t know how long God will keep me in Atlanta. I also know I am not in a position to buy a home right now, and in realizing this, I can’t help but feel a little lost.
I think the important thing to focus on right now is that this is temporary; eventually I will be in a place where I will own a home, and have the space to raise a family. Eventually, I will have land, or literal solid ground on which to build, and I won’t feel so lost. But for now, I find comfort in Christ, who is my only guaranteed stability.
Praying on what steps to take next, as I need to firmly decided if I should ride out my current lease in Midtown Atlanta, or rent an apartment or house down in Henry County (closer to my new job and my church). I wont make any moved until I feel God’s peace. Right now, I just have to wait…