I think it just hit me, but for a little over a month now I have truly been content with my life. My friend told me she noticed a difference in me a few months back, but I didn’t take any notice. God had prompted me to allow Him to heal some major wounds in my life, and I have been so focussed on the healing that I haven’t even noticed what has already transpired. I am well on my way, folks! I truly see (and feel) like a different (more whole) woman.
One of the major areas I was wrestling with God on was the issue of a husband. I have been single for over 3 years and though some days I was really happy about it, most days I just wanted that season of my life to end. I realize now what it really means to be content in all situations, as Paul speaks about in the Word. I have really been able to see the true advantages to being single, and though there are times when I don’t really like it (“Uh, table for one, please.”) I genuinely see the overall benefit to allowing God to use the past 3 years for internal growth. So, if this season lasts another 10 days or 10 months, my prayer is that I am consistently content and open to what God is calling me to do in the NOW and not the THEN.
In addition to being content and finding joy while I wait, I have learned so much about myself. I am, for the first time, asking important questions about what I want in situations or how I feel about such and such. Before, I was more consumed with other’s and how they felt. Now, I realize how I feel and what I want are equally important (and, sometimes it’s more important). I am learning to become unapologetically satisfied with myself, and all that is ME. It’s more about self confidence and not at all about cockiness. It’s about consciousness, and not ignorance. It’s… wonderful. And as I grow into this new acceptance of ME, I realize how absolutely easy it will be to allow a man into my life, when the right one comes along. I used to think that dating was complicated and mysterious, but now I see it’s just a matter of being comfortable enough to accept the man who sees the me that I see, and pursues me without apology. I don’t need to convince anyone I am worth that; I am not in the business of match-making myself! My plan is simply this: I am going to keep on growing, and living, and accepting myself (faults and all) and when the right guy comes along, it will organically mature into a relationship. I might not even notice what is happening! If I continue to stay focussed on and running toward God, this guy is truly going to have to put on some track shoes and keep up if he wants to get my attention.
This is a good feeling… I will never have all the answers when it comes to this thing called life, but I feel so very comfortable with MY answers, the one’s I have discovered in God about me and about how to live my life. What answers have YOU discovered?