I actually missed God today. I mean, I know God didn’t go anywhere, but I had this feelings of sadness today as I went through my regular routine; a sadness that only comes when something is void. I know exactly why I had this feelings: I didn’t read the Word before work today. Instead, I allowed myself to sleep in and convince myself that because I’m not feeling well, I can miss a day of devotional. I even told myself that I would do it during my 2nd period planning time, but with all that I had to do for work, I STILL haven’t been able to sit down and breath in God’s Word for the day.
Nothing particularly bad happened today. I had a relaxing day at work, my lunch was delicious, and aside from feelings of hunger (I missed breakfast because I woke up late) and sinus issues, I felt pretty good. There was no disaster caused by my lack of time spent in the Word. I didn’t sin uncontrollably, nor did I feel as though I was being spiritually attacked. It wasn’t one of those days. Instead, I just felt, sort of, alone. I prayed on my way to work and I maintained constant contact with God while I was teaching throughout the day, but by not reading the Bible at the beginning of my day, I felt as though I was sort of staring at God from behind a glass door. You know, I could see Him but I just couldn’t physically feel the connection. It was an odd feeling that I didn’t think I could ever feel.
I remember when I first moved to Florida, 1000 miles away from my hometown and my family. I was so homesick it was ridiculous. When I finally got a chance to go home for Christmas break, I couldn’t drive up to Ohio fast enough. I spent days upon days with my parents, my family, my friends, and everyone I had missed. I was joyous for a few days, and then I started to remember why I actually moved in the first place. I got sick of spending time with my family and started counting down the days until I could return “home”- to Florida. Upon returning to Florida, that first day I remember waking up and wishing my mother was there. I missed her, and the rest of my family, so much I could almost feel it in my body. When I was driving back down to Florida, it was like I couldn’t get away fast enough; but that first day back, I felt the loneliness of not being near the people I love. Ironically, this happens to me every year at Christmas time. It’s funny to me now, but I am reminded of that first year today, as I feel this disconnect with God. I don’t like missing God, just like I don’t like missing my family. Though physical distance separates me from my relatives, nothing can separate me from God. In not doing my part this morning to initiate an open conversation with the Lord (by reading the Word) I created a physical distance between me and my Creator.
Instinctively, I got scared as I was walking to my car this morning. My mind started to convince me that since I missed one day, I was going to miss tomorrow, and the next day, and I mine as well just give up because I would never wake up early again. I squashed these thoughts instantly, as I refuse to allow myself to believe this. I missed one day, and in doing so felt the emptiness that exists in a life without God’s Word. Tomorrow is always a new day, and tomorrow, I have plans to connect with God first thing in the morning, before I do anything else. As for today, I can still salvage what is left. I need to read Jeremiah 15 and do my Battlefield of the Mind devotional before I go to bed. Again, tomorrow IS, thankfully, another day!