These sad words rang in my ear this morning at around 6. I was rolling over to snuggle a little closer to my bank of pillows, when I heard this plea from God; ” You Don’t Trust Me.” I was confused at first, then angered. “What do You mean I don’t trust You? I’ve given up my life for You! I am following the steps you set out for me to the best of my knowledge and sure, I mess up sometimes, but geez! I trust you!” I then proceeded to roll over and fall asleep for another 45 minutes. I thought the conversation was over at that point.
It’s comical how very often I am wrong.
As I was driving to work this morning, I heard those daunting words again; “You don’t trust me!” This time, I was was listening; this time, God had the full attention. I was curious as to what My Creator was trying to communicate to me, so I listened.
“You don’t trust Me to protect you, and you certainly don’t trust me with your finances as much as you think you do. You don’t think I am enough to satisfy you, and you live in fear of the things you have no control over. You obsess over wordly things, only to find that you can’t afford them, then you get greedy. You don’t turn me enough for answers, though you think you do. You don’t know me well enough to know My will or My heart, and you need to stop running and just accept the fact that if you want what I have planned for you, you’re going to have to trust me completely, and not this 50% mess. Yes, you’ve done some great things in My Name and for My Kingdom, and yes, you are on course, but daughter, there is SO much more I need and want to do with and through you and this whole trust issue is really getting in My way. Let me be God; Let me show you what Love really is. Let me breathe Life into you that you’ve never imagined. Stop faking it; Let me REALLY be in control.”
I didn’t want to share this with you, readers. I honestly don’t think I have ever been more transparent. However, I realize that if I am going to take even bigger steps closer to God, I am going to need to be even more honest with myself and with those around me. My God doesn’t reside in secret or seclusion, so neither should His message.
I have to be true and genuine here; I am terrified. I truly thought I trusted God “enough.” I thought I was doing “enough.” But what is enough? My definition of enough isn’t God’s, and for that matter, does God ever think there is “enough”? I would venture that the answer is no. God will always ask for more because God knows what we can handle. And right now, the Author of Life is ready to get more from me, and it’s time I stop running and simply say,
“I am ready, God. Show me how to truly trust You.”