Father, Please Forgive My Lack of Faith

I love to pray. I absolutely feel the fire of the Holy Spirit in a room when God allows me to pray out loud over or for a group of people. I love the feelings of not knowing what the Spirit is going to use me to say, and personally gaining a revelation from the words God places in my mouth. Prayer is SO powerful, and I try to tap into this power as often as possible.

I am a hypocrite.

Though I strongly believe in the power of prayer, I find myself cowering in the corner of fear and doubt minutes after a powerful conversation with the Lord. It’s like I didn’t just claim the victory, repeat God’s word to Him, and rejoice in knowing that I am covered by His Grace and Mercy. It’s like right after I verbally tell God I believe in Him and His abilities, I run to the door labeled “Open Me if you don’t believe in God or His abilities.” I have opened that door too often, and justified doing so by saying that my mind just uncontrollably runs wild over possibilities. You what is unhealthy and a waste of time? Thinking about what COULD happen. I am guilty of doing this more time daily than I can count. As a matter of fact, I think I am doing it RIGHT NOW, even as I type this. I am fairly certain this is a disease of the mind, and I am equally certain that it is in my power and under my control to change this.

I want to be the person who prayer, and believes, and leaves it at that. I want to know the bad things that could happen, but choose to focus on what I want to happen. I want to believe in God’s abilities so much that even though something COULD go wrong, I stand firmly on the fact that whatever happens, God’s got me in His palm. I want to be this person, I need to be this person. How do I become this person? I don’t want it to be a thing I do for a few days. I need it to be what I do for the rest of my life.

Where and How do I begin?

Danni