If any of you have been following my journey from Jax to the ATL, you know that it has been on riddled with ups and downs. Some triumphant ups (receiving $2000.00 in the mail randomly, getting the apartment I wanted, finally serving at the church I had been following for 6 months, getting out of my lease in Jax when I was told it would be impossible, to name a few) and some devastating downs (getting offered a job and getting it taken away from me 3 days later; being fired for the first time in my life from a job I hated, my car flooding, mold in the bathroom of my perfect apartment, and struggling to scrape up the money I need to eat each day… to name a few). The bottom line is this: God has seen me through all of this.
Most days this reality is SO hard to comprehend as I usually feel very alone in my hours of need. I question where God was when my car was being washed over with water; I ask what God was thinking when He allowed me to be fired from the job that was providing my only source of income. In the end, I can ask all the questions in the world, but the answer will always be the same, ” I was with you, carrying you through it all.”
I have learned so much since I moved to Atlanta, I hope I am able to write it all down one day and perhaps publish it or preach it, or both. I know one thing is certain: this suffering isn’t in vain. God is trying to teach me something, or many things, and if you read my post about perfection, you saw that I was able to get a tiny glimpse of my current lesson. I can only image what more will be revealed as the days, weeks, months, years go by. I know I am getting stronger with the passing of every minute; Praise the Lord.
I interviewed at a high school today for a teaching position. I want it. I claimed it to be mine. I had a very organic and genuine prayer with the Lord and I know my heart was more revealed that it ever has been. The staff was running late when I arrived early for my interview and I was blessed with the opportunity to have a candid and enjoyable conversation with the secretary. She was so polite and animated, I feel like we instantly connected. This enabled me to enter the interview room confident, happy, and feeling like a part of the family already. During the interview, I felt like things were not going my way. The principal was yawning and overall the people in the room seemed bored (I completely blame the young lady who went in before me). Well, I prayed that God would empty me out and let the Holy Spirit speak what was real and that is exactly what happened. I had a moment of pure clarity, spoke poignantly and what came out of my mouth turned the interview completely around. The principal say up, started asking me more questions, became animated, and was overall interested in me (unlike before). I felt good once I left.
A few hours later, I received an email from a school I had interviewed at a month ago. A new position became available, and I was offered a job at this school today. I made it very clear that I was interested but wanted 24 hours to make my final decision. I don’t regret doing this; what troubles me is that the man didn’t reply to my last email. We had been going back and forth, but then when I asked for a day, he didn’t reply. I see this as no reason to panic, but the spirit of fear and confusion came on me instantly.
“What if the offer from the school today doesn’t come, I call the 2nd school and say ‘yes’ but it’s too late; they’ve offered it to someone else? What will I do? I’ve already told people I would have a job? Is this REALLY happening AGAIN? Why is there always SO many questions concerning a job in my life? When will I be standing on solid ground again?
Anyway, you can imagine that this is just the beginning of my endless questions list. I HATE this part of the game: After I’ve prayed, believed, and decided to trust, the questions come. I have to profess that I don’t know how to stand firm in my faith when I am bombarded with doubt. This is something I am working on every day, but I haven’t gotten to a place where minor detours don’t distract me. I want to have the same faith I had during that organic prayer with God. I want to have an undying, unshakable trust in Him that would make even Job smile.
While I’m waiting… I want to be content in all things, as Paul says. I remind myself that worst case senario, my option to move home to Ohio is still open. I have to remind myself that regardless of what happens, I am covered by God. I have to remind myself that there will be many more tests, more bumps in the road, more confusion, more job offers, more rejection, more shame, more sorrow, more happiness, more times of doubt, and more times of absolute certainty.
There is a time for everything… now is my time to WAIT patiently… and while I am waiting….I want to be good at it.